I hate being the way I am now, shallow way of thinking, always on a search, easy to give or settle for scrap and never find the humph in my many one night, day time hook-ups. It’s the same, always the same, I please but never get pleased, and it’s never enough, back to square one. The lies the fail hopes, a once never to be realize dream, deferred.

It is whatever man, each and every time I tell myself, it is whatever man, I fib to myself, because it is not whatever and I hate when people say it is what it is. Nooo! We make it so of what it is and because we unwillingly to admit our flaws so we make up excuses. How can I sit there and say it whatever when it bothers me inside of what am doing and of what, living in this lifestyle is doing to my eternal soul. It is not fair, to whom do I complain of how we man can be so lost in ourselves that two fucking men can’t live together happily ever after without fucking worrying about what the neighbor next door thinks. Who said they had to know? But instead we stick our dick in whatever, whenever we want without thinking of the consequences. It’s always about now and now and now. We are like animal who incapable of living or even love. I don’t think that thing call love exist among gay men. If it does I have yet to find it.