Happy 2010
Sometimes it’s whatever…
My tiny heart is aching very moment; I do not know what to do or what to say to myself in order to make myself better of what is going on in my surrounding. This picture semi perfect family of mine is fallen apart. Am I to blame? Maybe I don’t know anymore and I don’t care. It’s not like I don’t care it’s just sometimes I try to oppress these feeling these thoughts only leads to troubles and more heartache. Truth does not work, communication does not seem to help, ignoring is rude so what the fuck.
My inside hurt, I can’t seem to breathe properly, my chest hurt with each gasp of air in inhale and exhale. I can’t eat rite, I feel full but I haven’t eaten in days. It would be as if I am nervous of a big Bang sound that is going to happen at any moment. My eye get blurry with water but the stupid thing won’t go down as tear so I can give myself a reason to let go and let it all out, but I can’t “big boys don’t cry”, the dampness just get suck right back into my eyes that seen it all but it’s not what hears constantly the shits the filthy shit that being said and pass around, it annoy the hell out of me. My days seem to going on that way hoping, praying it would all end but each time I wake up it’s the same thing over and over again.
So I finally gotten a job it’s been a whole three months now. I pass my 90 days probation and now I can finally breathe easy in good faith that they won’t find any pathetic or lame excuses to let me go. I need this job, for now, but I am working on getting promoted. I did not envision myself being in one position not for someone that is highly qualified to be a manager. If not on the mean while I am looking for other opportunities. I am not being ungrateful nor do I not understand the economic difficulties but I have high standard and I am a person who want challenged and in high demands.
As 2010 unfold so those events that comes with it. I welcome them all, I am excited. I want things to start turning for me. I started school back in the fall, it was not a good semester, but now I am looking forward in going back
"we drown our doubts, in fine champagne, and sooth our souls with fine cocaine. i don't know why i even care. we get so high + get nowhere." a twitt by lady gaga idk where its from but its deep
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