a player woes

I know what is going on, and for some reason I know I a damn fool for falling for this sort of games. We met on this superficial site, so there for he cannot help being this being, which can nothing but a dream or a fantasy. If only it was a dream, then what I desire would have been mine to have and to create.

I hit him up so therefore I must have wanted him. We talk almost every night. What we talk about is of the things I would want to talk about. He is older but I cannot help feeling as if I am digging this hole without knowing where it might lead me but a broken heart and chattered dreams.

I am not feeling him but I cannot help thinking of how much of a good person he is. I asked him, not once, not twice but several times if he would like to do something, go to a movie, café, lunch. The answers are gentle No’s and his excuses to me are “I want to remain a mystery”.

There isn’t much I want from him and I certainly don’t require much. He wants nothing from me, my age is a factor alone and because of that there no reasons to meet me. And in case I grow old and tired of him the pain with be less hurtful. As time approach maybe we will meet, as we continue talking who know, maybe we’ll end up fucking, as years go by maybe he’ll be a good friend or lovers.

I am a young explorer. I don’t how to put in words what I want but when I am around it or near it I know. It is not like I want him. Some parts of me do want him, while some part of me says he is out of my league of wanting. What I want can make me cry, but what I need always pass me by. The question I always end up with is before I can have him what is I going to do with him and why?

I want us to remain the way we are, we may never meet, we may just be what we are a mystery, but I am no longer a mystery. He has read me like a book because that is what he does. It is me I am worrying about falling into deep or worst fallen in love. No matter what kind of love, just love. And if we were to break up or have a fight one of us would end up with a Brocken heart. Knowing him it will be me.